Care Capsule
 

Light Notes

 

 

 

 

On the driver’s window of my rental car was a sign that read, “This vehicle is protected by a passive security system.” I didn’t know what that meant until I touched the door and heard, “Aw, c’mon, go away. Pleeeease!”

My car has a feature that I guess is standard, because it was on my last car, too. It has a rotating gas tank. Whatever side of the pump I pull up to, it’s on the other side.

How do you make a hot dog stand?
Take away his chair.

What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a Chihuahua?
A hot diggety dog.

Why is a hot dog a glutton for punishment?
It feeds the hand that bites him.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.

About a month ago I got a cactus. And a week later, it died. I got really depressed because it was like, “What?!! I’m less nurturing than the desert??!”

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang, so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. “Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”

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