In This Issue

Learn the RIGHT Thing to Say

Kindness Conference Speakers 2008

Such a DEAL !

Lord, Let Me be a Living Sermon for You

Light Notes

Kindness Example

Kindness in Action

Police Lessons

Learn the RIGHT Thing to

Say to a Grieving Soul

—— Dr. James R. Kok

Well meaning Christians say unacceptable sentences sometimes. I would like to mention three or four we should all erase from our repertoire of words we thought might be helpful. Then I will try to suggest more helpful ways of talking and relating to the grieving.

The first unacceptable sentence is, “All things work together for good to those who love God.” You may say this to yourself as needed, but usually when it is quoted to another, it is inappropriate. Here’s why. When given to a friend, it is usually when they have been hurt by a harsh blow of some kind. Often it is the death of a loved one, but it could be any unwanted loss, change or misfortune. These beautiful words of St. Paul, when used in that context, most likely seem to convey a message that says, “There is good in this terrible thing that happened to you; you should not feel so terrible.”

In other words, it is intended to pull the person back from their anguish, to stop them from crying, to modify their disaster into something that isn’t so bad. It says, in effect, that God will weave it, or turn it, into something positive or maybe even wonderful. This is often true in a sense. The truth is that most of the good stuff in life trickles out of heartache, breakage, disappointment and loss. God does arouse and inspire and teach those who are devastated, often with positive results. Most of the time—but not always. A great deal of the tragedy of this world is wasted and good for nothing. It never evolves or turns into anything good.Even if true, however, saying “all things work together for good…” to someone who has just been hit by a freight train is the essence of bad timing and a totally wrong way to help a hurting person.

continued

Dr. James R. Kok has written a series of articles on the essentials for a caring person. A handful of basic tools—wrapped in courage—are the keys to open doors.

As the Koach Of  Kare,
Dr. Kok has been a pastor at the Crystal Cathedral for the past twenty years and heads the Care Ministry department of the church. He is the author of five books and numerous articles, and he is the founder of the Conference on Care and Kindness.

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