Motivating people to practice intentional acts of kindness

Seven Steps to Forgiveness

1. Know exactly how you feel about what happened. Be able to articulate what it is about the situation that is unacceptable and distressing.

2. Decide that you will do whatever is necessary to feel better. You need share this decision with no one. But promise yourself you will follow through, because this is for your health and well-being. It is not for the perpetrator.

3. Understand your goal. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciling with people or condoning their action. You are looking for peace—the peace that comes from blaming less the one who has hurt you. It is a process of taking the experience less personally and changing the way you look at your grievance.

4. Get the right perspective. Your primary distress comes from your injured feelings. Not from what happened. Therefore, practice stress-management any moment you feel the upset. Work to soothe your flight or fight intentions.

5. Stop expecting things from others, or from life itself that may not ever be reasonable to expect. You can hope and pray for health, love, friendship and prosperity. You can work hard to achieve them. But do not demand or depend on such things happening. Do not set your heart on something that may not happen.

6. Put your energy into looking for another way to reach your positive goals. Erase the direction or option that has led to your present hurt.

7. Amend and edit your grievance story in such a way that you are reminded you have the powerful option to forgive. Other words for forgive are 'let it go', 'release it', and 'Give it to God'. These expressions are less likely to include the idea of discounting what another did to you that was pretty dastardly.

---Frederic Lushkin, Stanford University


Write to us at, or Like us on Facebook and add a comment there.


    Laugh Lines

      Silly Thoughts

At my age ’Getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Have you read Jim Kok's signature book?

The secret is that, more than saying anything, you just show up!

We help people by leaving our own comfort zone and standing close to them.