On a plumber’s truck:
“We repair what your husband fixed.”

Pizza shop slogan:
“Buy our pizza. We knead the dough.”

At a towing company:
“We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”

In a non-smoking area:
“If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”

At an optometrist’s office:
“If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

In a podiatrist’s office:
“Time wounds all heels.”

Outside a muffler shop:
“No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

In a veterinarian’s waiting room:
“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

In the front yard of a funeral home:
“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

At a propane filling station:
“Tank heaven for little grills.”

At the electric company:
“We would be delighted if you pay your bill. However, if you don’t, you will be.”