Light Notes
Stressed out today? Cheer up!
Modern
medicine has come up with some great new stuff to make life easier.
- St. Mom’s Wort ... Plant extract that treats
mom’s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up
to six hours.
- Empty Nestrogen ... Highly effective pill that eliminates
melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers
and how you couldn’t wait ‘til they moved out.
- Antiboyotics ... When administered to teenage girls,
is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and
reducing money spent on make-up.
- Buyagra ... Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength Buy-one-all ... When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminant buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD.
- Anti-talksident ... A spray carried in a purse or
wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with
total strangers.
- Ragamet ... When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
It’s often better to bang on the pots and pans with a fork, spoon and knife than to cook in them. After all, that’s why they invented takeout. |
