Care Capsule
Capsules of Motivation to Dispense Care and Kindness

Volume 3- Issue 1
February 2001



In This Issue

Do Not Take My Pain From Me

You Can Give Care and Kindness

Party With A Purpose

Now Is The Time

Calling All Teens

Light Notes

Feedback Is Good

Our Deepest Fear

What Happened To Him

Care Capsule
Index Page

Do Not Take My Pain
From Me

"Peace, peace, when there is no peace"

Dr. James R. Kok

There is an urge among human beings to deny others their pain. If I sprain my ankle, someone will quickly advise me to “be happy it isn’t broken.” I have seldom found that to be an effective anesthetic. It still hurts!

At the very foundation of the concept of caring there lies a principle that feels counter-intuitive. At least counter to most of our past experiences. That principle is this: allow people to feel their pain. Don’t deny them this necessary step in healing.

If I lie stricken with influenza, a would-be helper may point out that “there are people dying of cancer who would give anything if it were only the flu.” Their meaning — don’t complain!

The message in this kind of help that asks us to compare a lesser injury to a greater one is that you should not feel bad. Your problem doesn’t count because there are much worse conditions. So stop crying!


Dr. James R. Kok has a number of articles on the essentials for a caring person in previous issues of the Care Capsule.

A handful of basic tools — wrapped in courage—are the keys to open doors. He will continue his series in the next issue.

Dr. Kok believes there are 10–12 key concepts of which every caring person should be aware in order to step out as an effective friend and support-person.

They range from “naming the elephant” to “peace, peace when there is no peace”.

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