Care Capsule
Capsules of Motivation to Dispense Care and Kindness

Volume 13 - Issue 3
No. 38
December 2010



In This Issue

Just Say "Thank You"

$5.00 to Brighten the World

Caring and Compassion Conference in N. J.

Care and Kindness Conference in

Listen for Feelings

Notice - Conference Sites

The Miracle of Kindness as a Study Guide

Light Notes

Partnering for a Care Conference

Angels Explained by Children


Just Say “Thank You”

A Compliment is a Gift;
Don't Throw It Away

—— Dr. James R. Kok

The man had done something very helpful for me so I gave him a small gift in appreciation. He took it, wadded it up, dropped it on the ground, stomped on it and threw it back at me. I backed away deflated and embarrassed. Burned by that, gifts of gratitude have been harder to hand out since then.

The incident is a metaphor for the common experience of paying compliments. Very often they seem to be flung back, indifferently, as if unwanted, It sounds like the saintliest of attitudes when the appreciated preacher retorts, “Oh, don't thank me: just praise the Lord.” But the grateful parishioner feels rebuffed—straight-armed away by a pious platitude.

Accepting compliments is difficult for a lot of people: The exquisite meal prepared by a hardworking homemaker is shrugged off as “something I threw together in a minute.” The attractive dress, praised, is discounted as “something from a bargain basement.”

Teenagers, too, seem to suffer from compliment aversion. Handling affirmation comfortably is a rarity. They tend to shove them frantically away as if they are afraid of contamination by the positive regard of an adult.

My own conversion from gift-rejecter to grateful-accepter happened at the door of Trinity Church. I had just preached the morning sermon and had taken my customary position at the front door to greet the departing worshippers. A young woman stopped, shook my hand, and commented, “That was a very good message.” While inwardly glowing from this endorsement, I gave my usual disclaimer along these lines: “It seemed a little too long to me.” To my discounting remark, she confronted me firmly, saying, “Why can't you accept a compliment?”


Dr. James R. Kok has written a definitive resource detailing the key essentials in becoming a more caring person in his latest book, “The Miracle of Kindness” (available on, in either paperback or Kindle edition.) A handful of basic tools —wrapped in courage—are the secret to changing the world through intentional acts of kindness.

As the Koach Of Kare, Dr. Kok has been a pastor at the
Crystal Cathedral for the past 25 years and heads the Care Ministry department of the church. He is the author of six books and numerous articles, and he is the founder of the
Conference on Care and Kindness, held annually at the Crystal Cathedral.

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